Sleep, Parenting, and Love

TK is still not sleeping well, although it seems to be for different though still unknown reasons. He no longer wants to nurse all night, but now he doesn't want to sleep in his bed. I want to say I'm fine and confident that we're making all the right decisions and that things will be fine, but I'm not. I'm indecisive and wondering if I've been doing it wrong all along and what on earth I should do now. There are so many different schools of thought, and I'm not sure which is right for us at this stage. And while several tell you it's not your fault that your baby wakes up frequently, there are a few that have this attitude of "Well, if you'd listened to us, he wouldn't have sleep problems..." and it feels kinda snooty. That's what I don't like. Snootiness. I'm sure your method worked great for you and your babies, but you don't know anything about me and mine, so stop pretending you have a magic cure-all. Okay, now I'm rambling. Probably comes from not sleeping enough.

I love Tiernan. Deeply, strongly, fiercely. So much so, that as I think about the possibility of having future kids, questions burn in my mind: how could I possibly love another child the way I love Tiernan? I know favoritism is wrong, but could I avoid it? Is there room in my heart for another child?

Weekend Crazies and Parenting Puzzles

We had a busy weekend, including four different parties of various natures and working in children’s at church. I have to say, Tiernan is a champ. He did fabulously all weekend in spite of of the crazy goings-on and transient naps. Oh, and I have an amazing husband who spoils me. When we went to Lowe’s to buy the paint for the house, he let me pick out another power tool. That’s three since Mother’s Day...now I have a jigsaw, circular saw, and a sander. But let’s not forget the woodburner, too. As for what I have been doing with said tools, here was one of my first projects: a coat rack/shelf for by the garage door.

On a different topic, I recently broke my resolution and went against my better judgement (Robert’s advice) and started to read a baby book. Invariably, it produced the same response as all the others: it a) made me feel like a horrible mother b) confused me beyond reason by contradicting every other book I’ve read and c) contradicted my experience with Tiernan. It insisted that late naps would not interfere with bedtime...except guess who was up until 11:30? Or the cute idea that an earlier bedtime would make the baby sleep later...nope. Not happening. I’m sure it applies to many babies out there, but Tiernan defied just about every point the author made. I’m glad that some mothers find baby books helpful, but they have failed to be helpful for Tiernan so far. (I have exaggerated. There are two that I read while pregnant that were actually helpful. But they dealt more with tiny newborn stage which we are past...)

While the baby book was thoroughly unhelpful, we are still having some issues with Tiernan’s sleep. From time to time he will wake up every two hours all night and refuse to be comforted except by nursing, which kills any chance for a good night’s sleep for me, which in turn makes me cranky and impatient and not up to the demands of motherhood. The book’s suggestions did not seem to apply, but it did get us thinking that perhaps spending some time observing and charting his sleep patterns would give us a better idea what we did need to do, so we’re starting there. We’ll see what happens next.