The Balancing Act of Motherhood

I've been thinking a lot the past few days on motherhood, how various women respond to the role, and what my response is. 

There seems a prevalent tendency in our society for children to be relegated to the back burner of the parent's lives. They are inconvenient draining burdens. Even within the church, as often as people say "children are a blessing", only some live as though they truly believe it.

I am so blessed to be Tiernan's mom. It's not always easy, but he really has blessed us beyond my dreams. I do not want to miss a moment. Yes, there's a lot to do. It's way too easy to get caught up in getting stuff done, whether that is personal interests or careers, or just being a model housekeeper. But I want to do things with him, to watch him grow and learn and discover the world. I have heard far too many parents attest that their child-rearing years passed far too quickly to not believe that it is going to be over before I know it. Twenty years sounds like a lifetime to me, but it's going to pass before I'm ready.

On the day that Tiernan gets in the car and drives away to college or whatever God has for him, I do not want to look back and regret that I did not take the time to enjoy every stage and season I shared with him. I don't want to wonder, "What did I do with my time?" I want to be able to look back on the years and cherish the memories.

Yet at the same time, there is another extreme that I want to avoid. It's the mothers who become so wrapped up in their children that they themselves cease to exist for any other purpose. They become overprotective, clingy, and have trouble letting go once their children mature into adults.

On that day when our youngest child leaves the house and we are officially empty-nesters, I do not want to look in the mirror and realize I have forgotten who I am without my children. I do not want to look across at Robert and wonder who he is or what we are doing together.

I am a mother, and it is a large part of my identity for this season. But it cannot become my sole identity, for it is only a season. That is why I try to take time to nourish our marriage; to work on hobbies like woodworking, art, or music; to be myself without constraint. My role is to actively, presently, and joyously raise my children up and send them out; not to ignore, not to hoard. There is a balance to attain.

Sleep, Parenting, and Love

TK is still not sleeping well, although it seems to be for different though still unknown reasons. He no longer wants to nurse all night, but now he doesn't want to sleep in his bed. I want to say I'm fine and confident that we're making all the right decisions and that things will be fine, but I'm not. I'm indecisive and wondering if I've been doing it wrong all along and what on earth I should do now. There are so many different schools of thought, and I'm not sure which is right for us at this stage. And while several tell you it's not your fault that your baby wakes up frequently, there are a few that have this attitude of "Well, if you'd listened to us, he wouldn't have sleep problems..." and it feels kinda snooty. That's what I don't like. Snootiness. I'm sure your method worked great for you and your babies, but you don't know anything about me and mine, so stop pretending you have a magic cure-all. Okay, now I'm rambling. Probably comes from not sleeping enough.

I love Tiernan. Deeply, strongly, fiercely. So much so, that as I think about the possibility of having future kids, questions burn in my mind: how could I possibly love another child the way I love Tiernan? I know favoritism is wrong, but could I avoid it? Is there room in my heart for another child?

Monday Musings

It's a new day, a new week. We had a productive weekend--the weather held out on us, and we got a good deal of painting done. I hope to finish the north side of the house by the end of the week, and we'll probably tackle the south and east sides next weekend. If all continues to go well, we estimate we should be able to finish by the end of the month. Robert was a wonderful man and volunteered to take the hottest parts of the day, so it was only in the high 90s when I was painting. He also took Tiernan and did my weekly grocery shopping for me while I was painting so that I wouldn't have to do that this week. Isn't he amazing?

In Brady's sermon at church, one thing that stood out to me was when he talked about how it is no accident that we are exactly where we are in our stage of life. There have been times that I felt like my life as a housekeeper, wife, and mother in Austin jumped on me while I wasn't looking. Sure, we're living the American dream, but the American dream was never my dream. Yet here I am. My take-away is this: God has placed me here with a purpose, so what am I doing to fulfill that role? Am I being faithful with the time, talents, and treasures he has given me to steward? Am I living in anticipation of Christ's coming, mindful that it could be soon or delayed?

As I think about how I disperse my time, talents, and treasure, I face the issue of finding the balance between giving a task everything I've got and sustainability. I could do a lot more than I am, but I would also burn out and then spend a period of time not doing anything. However, when I am living a sustainable lifestyle balancing missional living, work, fun, and rest, I often feel like I'm slacking. It's true. I could be doing more. But could I keep it up? Probably not. Which is better? Bursts of energy, or consistency? I've done the burst-mode, and right now, I'm swinging the other way to sustainability.

They make it all worth it...

Dear Tiernan

For you I wanted the very best

To be there for you day and night

But when your wakings kept me from rest

I couldn't care for you the way I should.

Then your daddy took you from my breast

And he held you in his loving arms.

You cried, and so did I.

Matters of Martha and Mary

I was thinking this morning about my role as a wife and mother and all the things I feel like I'm neglecting, not accomplishing, and just how housework is one of those tasks that no matter how good a job you do, you will always have to do it again. It's a little demoralizing to watch your nice clean (I almost wrote 'pristine', but I don't think I've ever achieved that) house disintegrate into shambles before your very eyes in a matter of moments. What happened to all that work? Was it really worth it?

Yet I read Proverbs 31, all about how a good wife looks to the ways of her household, yada yada yada. I'm not living up to everything there. (Of course, it does mention that she had servants...I'm sure that helped.) But then I read the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42, and I get confused. Martha looks like she is doing a whole lot better on the Proverbs 31 list than Mary, but it's not Martha who gets praised by Jesus. It's Mary: the one who sat there and ignored the housework and demands of hospitality. But where would we be without the Marthas? How would people eat? Who would prepare the house for guests? Who would organize events?

I haven't come to any conclusions. All I know is that when I am Mary, I feel guilty for not being Martha, and when I'm Martha, I get frustrated and fed up. Where do I fit in this? How do I maintain a household and be a wife of honor without losing Mary's simple, single-minded devotion?